Bella Swan can be a good role model

She's pale! We've been a tan-obsessed country for almost 50 years, and while it's started to wane, characters like Bella Swan help us embrace the pale.

I love tanning. I love being dark with my hair all bleached out from the sun, or the tanning bed. In fact, I have tanned every spring since I was 16, at first in preparation for prom (you just couldn't go to prom pale in my hometown) and then just for summer. But this spring, I'm not going to. I'm going to embrace my pale.

Having pale role models like Bella and all the other stars of the Twilight Saga makes it so much easier for this new trend to take off.

So please, everyone, embrace the pale!

ps: the new healthcare reform will include a 10% sales tax on indoor tanning. I'm not sure this will include spray tans or not...

Is Bella Swan good for young girls?

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After reading the Twilight books (twice) and re-watching Twilight and New Moon last night I can't help but wonder what type of girls look up to Bella Swan, the series' main character and narrator. She's obsessive and codependent upon Edward AND Jacob, after Edward leaves. She has no real personality traits (clumsy isn't a personality trait) and she isn't even that pretty (per the books, not Kristen Stewart) and yet she has two guys (plus Mike Newton) fall head over heals for her. Will girls get the message that they don't need try to fall in love? (I believe that cute and charming are a must to attract any decent guy.)

And then, after careful consideration ***Spoiler Alert*** she does agree to marry Edward, when she's 18. I'm not saying that you can't find "the one" in high school, but more often than not to marriages end in divorce, or become loveless marriages. I'm worried that a whole generation of young readers will think they have to get married right out of high school. I think that love is often left out of life lessons for young girls. You can fall in love with more than one person in your life. Maybe parents don't want to bring this up because they don't want to think of their little girls having sex with more than one partner (or any partner, for that matter, they want grandchildren via immaculate conception), or maybe they feel that love by example is enough, but it's not. Every love is different.

**Spoiler Alert*** And then, to top it all off, Bella becomes a teen mom. Not a single or unmarried mom, but a teen mom just the same. Does no one see the danger in this? It's one thing to get married and have a honey-moon baby when you're in your late 20s or early 30s, but in your teens it could possibly present all sorts of problems later in life.

I think this is where the author's world and Bella's world get mixed up. Stephanie Meyer grew up Mormon, which is a faith dominated by large families, and in that culture it's not uncommon for couples to marry young and start families early. Meyer herself was married and pregnant before she finished college, and has often said she loves being a mom, and looked forward to that as a career. Which was her choice, and she finished college before she completely settled down.

Bella, on the other hand, grew up with parents separated by divorce because they rushed into marriage at an early age. Which is a major struggle and why Bella doesn't want to marry Edward. But she gives in and the topic of safe sex is never mentioned. Granted, who would think you could get knocked up by a vampire anyway, but still, condoms or the pill or something should have been mentioned, at least as an after thought, at some point in Breaking Dawn.

I guess my biggest fear is that girls who read Twilight and love Bella will think they don't need to develop into an independent person.

I think older readers, such as myself, strongly dislike or hate Bella. I don't like her because she gets everything she ever wants and more. And no one good dies. In Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse books, everyone close to Sookie dies. She has to deal with loss in a real way, and it's related to her relationship with a vampire, to pull the similarities.

Bella Swan: fun to read about, bad to be like.

Dating...

does anyone do that anymore?

I was talking to a friend of mine who recently joined the dating scene, and we both agreed that no one seems to want to date anymore. It's either no-strings-attached sex or relationships, or no-strings-attached sex that magically leads to a relationships. (rarely happens, pregnancy is usually involved if it does, and it often ends in divorce)

I want to go out on a date. I want to know the person a little, but I want to get to know someone outside of my apartment in a safe environment without too much pressure to force it into something more, but the possibility that it could.

And I don't need to eat a fancy meal or to see an expensive show. I would love to walk through a museum on a free day or picking up a coffee and just chilling and getting to know one another.

I don't quite like where the dating world has gone. Dating is gone and it sucks because I don't want to fuck you before I know you, and I don't want to automatically be your girlfriend because we hung out once... or you called me and then decided that you didn't want to hang out but now you think that calling me at midnight is acceptable and will make you like me but it doesn't in fact it makes me queezy so I had to block your number. Or something like that.

I don't want to automatically become someone's girlfriend, and I don't want to be just another notch in your belt. I want to be that cute girl that becomes that charming girl, and either you fall for the cute, charming girl, or you don't, but there are no hard feelings either way. (Why are there always hard feelings when love was once there? I guess maybe it wasn't love?)

So, can we hang out, maybe you can get me flowers and make me fall head over heels, I'll put out after an acceptable amount of time and then we'll live happily ever after, or not? I think that sounds like a good plan.

Sarah Killen

Everyone's up in the air about Sarah Killen (@LovelyButton on twitter) because she is the only person Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) is following on his recently created twitter account, and she's been getting all sorts of swag because of it, including lots of free stuff for her wedding.

This does not bother me, what does is the fact that Ms. Killen is only 19, and she's getting married, to a 21-year-old. Why has no one said anything about this and how crazy it is. Yeah, she didn't have anything planned because she's fucking 19! What the hell do 19-year-olds know about wedding planning?

I guess an old spinster like me is a bit jealous, but if I could go back to 2005, change a few things, and get engaged I definitely would not.

I guess I'm surprised the media isn't questioning her (and her fiancé's) young nuptials. I thought that mid-to late 20s was becoming the standard first marriage age, with early thirties in a close second place for the more career-minded.

And maybe Ms. Killen isn't planning on getting married for a few more years, anyway. We really don't know that much about her. Who knows, maybe that free wedding dress won't be her style when she does get married.

Best of luck LovelyButtons!

Get slim quick scheme

Okay, so this one's not a guarantee to make you drop a size in a weekend or anything, but this a safe and healthy way to counteract bloating caused by eating salty foods.

Those chips were so good; the pretzels, to die for; the giant tub of popcorn, couldn't have been better! But now, you're super-skinny jeans are feeling awful snug, and are your eyes playing tricks, but did your tummy get bigger overnight?

The best solution for this isn't a pill, but a fruit. Bananas! Eat a banana with every meal and bring a banana for a snack... eat 4 or 5 in the course of the day, with at least two or three liters of water (no soft drinks!).

Why does this work? Sodium causes your body to retain water, which will cause bloating and make your slim-fitting clothes a little too close for comfort. The potassium in the bananas will counteract the sodium, and the extra water will tell your body not to retain water, because you're getting enough.

Bananas are also full of vitamins like the B-vitamins, and are sweet enough to possibly curb any candy cravings.

So, next time you overdose on salty snacks, pick up a bunch of bananas on the way home, you'll thank me later.

Healthcare III

As the healthcare debate heats up and is about to boil over, I'm writing about it once again. My generation is the most likely not to have health insurance. Old codger Republicans say it's because we don't want to spend the money, but the truth is we don't have the money. Old codger Republicans made sure of that when the allowed the so-called "free market" run rampant selling things that don't exist. While I'm not a financial wizard, I know that if you sell people a bottle of nothing, people will want their money back and your bubble will burst.

You call us 20-something college graduates who are living at home or with support of our parents lazy or entitled but most of us just want that first job we were promised when we started college. You don't want to give us something for nothing, but you expect us to work for free and think it's okay because you're calling it an unpaid internship. Is minimum wage too much to ask for?

Those of us want to break into the professional world strattle on to our retail jobs because, as much as it can suck, retail pays and you old codger Republicans don't. You don't want to share your money, even with people who will work hard and long for you.

Don't judge us because we want our government, who takes and takes and takes from us and refuses to give unless we've popped out a kid or two, to help us out and let us see a doctor with out it breaking the bank.

fucking old codgers

The White Coat

We're looking at 40˚F this weekend, and 50 isn't far away, so this seems a little late, but white spring coats make an appearance, too.

So, here's the deal: That super cute white coat seemed like a great purchase, didn't it? You would be able to walk around in a blizzard an no one would see you! And white is so classy, isn't it? But guess what, you need to wash that white coat a little more.

White shows EVERYTHING, if you didn't already know that. That little bit of strangeness that rubs off from you fingers to your sleeve ends? I see that after you've worn your coat two days. The big smears from where your boyfriend hugged you after eating cake? I notice that. And your make up? I see that, that one shows up the first time you wear that. Maybe I'm a little pickier than most, but you really need to wash that thing like, once a week. In BLEACH.

So, if you're thinking about buying a white coat, think twice. Because no matter how good you look with your Coach bag and Ugg boots, you look like shit with your make-up and fingerprint stained white coat. It looks cheap to wear a dirty white coat. See the identical black one on the next rack, or the cute navy blue one, or, if you want something light, go for a gray or red or pink or yellow or a cute print or ANYTHING but that stupid white coat.

Unless, of course, you're actually willing to wash it once or twice a WEEK, yes, per week.

Healthcare II

So, I'm having some minor dermatological problems, nothing major, just some redness and discomfort from what I'm pretty sure is perioral dermatitis (redness, dryness and some bumps near the mouth, mine is on my chin) paired with angular cheilitis (small lesions at the corners of the mouth, caused by bacterial, viral or fungal infections). Basically, it hurts a bit to talk and take big bites when I eat.

How is the related to healthcare? I don't have regular insurance, so I can't go to the doctor to know for sure if this is what I have. And even if I did, a lot of insurance these days, especially the packages people my age are being offered, won't cover a visit to the dermatologist. From what I've read online a round of antibiotics will clear up perioral dermatitis, which I think is causing the angular cheilitis.

So you're probably thinking, so what, you have red, dry, flakey skin on your face, who cares? Use a better moisturizer and some cover-up. Guess what, that'll just make it worse, or so I've read.

And that's another thing, I'm an educated person and I'm relying on google to diagnose my problems. This sucks! I mean, I know I should go to a doctor and figure out is what's going on for sure, but I simply can't.

So, if you see me and see my bright red chin, please don't laugh. I'm trying my best to clear it up on my own by removing irritants from my routine. And who knows, I maybe wouldn't get any antibiotics anyway, they're not exactly good for the environment. But still, what if it's not perioral dermatitis? What if it's something worse? I may never know.

So, if you see a chinless blonde running around Chicago, you know it wasn't perioral dermatitis.

PS (3/6/10): So I guess my whole point is that when Republicans start calling single-payer healthcare socialism and say that no one will be denied health care, it's not true, because I am being denied healthcare, it's just my wallet that's doing the denying and not doctors at a county emergency room. I mean, if I were to go into an emergency room complaining of angular cheilitis and some strange dry-red patch on my chin, I'd probably get laughed at and sent away so people with real emergencies can get much needed medical attention. I mean, if you saw some girl in an emergency room complaining about redness on her chin, you'd think what a flake!

PPS (3/6/10): I found this link to the $70 "cure" this dude has been selling online, and I tried it, and it worked! Not only on my lips but it seems to be clearing up my chin as well. The cracks are completely gone, but the area is still really dry and a little sore, but getting better constantly! I also removed as much Sodium Lauryl Sulfate from my routine as possible. I still am using my regular toothpaste, because I really can't stand any other type.