Sunday, September 6, 2009

A Declaration of Independence

I like to be as independent as possible, probably to a fault. I don't accept help very easily, not with out a clear like of reciprocation on my part. Three weeks ago I carried an unconstructed shelf up three flights of stairs by myself even though it clearly said "team lift." (It wasn't really that heavy) I then proceeded to build the five-shelf bookcase alone. It turned out fine, I love it.

I love living by myself, I love being able to choose where things go and how they fit together. I get to decide what I eat and when. Although, I had little argument with my roommates about furniture arrangement, not because the trusted my judgement, but because they were too lazy to put anything back the way it was.

The biggest thing that sucks is when it comes to safety things. Especially with all the recent muggings in Lakeview and Lincoln Park, where I work. It's had me on edge, but I don't want it to ruin my independent nature.

A few weeks ago I went to a party with couple-friends, and we returned home @ 3am in a cab. I planned to walk the four blocks from their place to mine, but the male insisted they drive me home. I refused at first, not wanting to put them out any more than I already had. He insisted again and I reluctantly accepted, but tired and greatful, but a little put off at the slight macho-big brother protector attitude. Not at that it's a bad thing, but I'm just not used to it. I am the oldest, and therefore never had a big brother and my father was never that type.

I guess it's just something I don't want to get used to. Accepting help from a friend's fiance is just a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from relying on a boyfriend, and boyfriends disappear so easily. The loss of companionship and sex is one thing to deal with, but the loss of your perception of safety? That is something I can't deal with. Having my well-being depend on someone else and then have that suddenly ripped away from me? No, thank you.

Everything in a single live seems to go back to Sex and the City at least for me. Check out the the S4 episode entitled "My Motherboard, Myself" for my point.

So, for now, I'm independent. I think I always will be. Same last name, no joint checking, I'll ride the Red Line alone @ 4am if I have to. (not that it's my first choice, but it happens).

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