The Gym

So, going to the gym is supposed to be an uplifting experience that will make you feel better about yourself. But when I go to the gym after work, it almost makes me feel worse about myself. First of all, the gym by work is filled with all these rich, skinny Lincoln Park type girls who are all maintenance and no substance. Highlight, manicures, pedicures and they spend what seems like HOURS on the elliptical at full speed, at a pace I get winded just looking at.

And I look at myself in the mirror and I see my cellulite and my lumps and bumps and gut and I look around at the other girls and they have nothing, or so it seems. And I get on a machine and I tell myself I'm doing this to better myself, to look like one of these girls, at least health-wise, not the whole hight maintenance thing... but I can't help but worry about what they think of me.

I feel like I don't belong, but do they think that? Are the girls who spend YEARS running on treadmills looking at my ass and thinking, "What is that lumpy thing doing here, she doesn't belong?" Every time I look over and see the size two girls with the perfect ass going full speed on the elliptical I get a little sick, and I reassure myself that I'm at the gym to better myself, not to dwell on flaws.

But still, it almost makes me feel bad enough to eat my weight in chocolate when I get home after my 100-calorie-burning bike ride. Which kind of defeats the purpose of the gym, doesn't it?

Smart girls don't get love?

So, a friend posted this article from the Huffington Post on facebook earlier this week, which basically says that smart women have so much trouble dating because if a woman is smart, she's obviously dysfunctional relationship-wise. The article goes on to give smart women tips to make their relationships last. There are so many things wrong with this, the first one being the assumption that women are happier in a relationship. The second being the "tips" which are really just another form of relationship games.

Games and misrepresentation are the whole reason relationships are so complicated in the first place. Should I call, should I text? He's just not that into you, guys want girls with long hair... blah blah blah. The biggest hoax is the dating book market. They sell promises of making your love life better, but in reality they make you rethink every single relationship you've ever had and make you scared to even look at another guy again, because he's probably not into you, and if he was you probably just said the wrong thing and watch him go to the "restroom" and you'll never see him again. Games, it's all games.

Here's my advice (but let me warn you, I'm not married, but I am happily single [finally] if that counts for anything): First, look for a genuine connection. You'll know it when you feel it. They can be few and far between, my last real connection was in undergrad. Second, be polite. If a behavior or conversation topic you're thinking of wouldn't be considered polite, don't do it, don't say it. Three: communication is key to a good relationship, so don't be afraid to communicate. If you have a reason, that is. Don't call "just to chat" if you don't have anything to chat about. If you're making the call make it count. If you're texting, make it quick, make it dirty, or better yet, both. And leave it at one message or voicemail. He'll get back to you when he can. Not everyone is glued to their phone every second of every day, and you shouldn't be, either.

Bad relationships happen when people follow these rules that were made up years ago and add some more and take out the ones they don't like, and most importantly play games. That's where things go wrong. They go wrong because you create a fake person, and the longer you're a fake person, the worse things are in the end, and there will be an end.

Do what feels right, and do what's polite, and most importantly, be yourself.

Gilmore Girls

Gilmore Girls is a great show about female independence, and at the same time a great show about family.

If you're not familiar, it's about Lorelai Gilmore and her daughter, Lorelai "Rory" Gilmore. When Lorelai was 16 she got knocked up, much to her blue-blooded parents' dismay. While her family wanted her to marry the baby's father and continue with her life as planned by them, she carried the baby to term, lived with her parents for a while and ran away with Rory to the small town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut, roughly half an hour away from her native Hartford.

The show picks up 16 years later, as Rory is in her sophomore year of high school and applies to a prestigious but pricey prep school. Lorelai, who became a maid at the Independence Inn and worked her way up to manage said inn, can not afford the prep school. She asks her rich parents to finance Rory's education, who agree to the loan with strings attached, including Friday night dinners. This was a huge change as the relationship between Lorelai and her parents was strained, and they really only saw one another on major holidays.

Lorelai, a wildly independent chick her whole life, now owes her parents time and money.

Growing up in this world where women are supposed to be independent until the day they meet a dreamy boy and he moves in, Lorelai Gilmore is a great role model for women everywhere. She meets the dream boy, several times, but she also knows that dream boy doesn't mean a dream life, which is why she didn't marry Rory's father when she was given the opportunity at 16. Building her own life was important, as it should be.

Whether you find the love of your life at 16 or 32 or 48, building an independent life is important as a female or a male. But while building an independent life, Lorelai estranged her family in the process. Most single girls I know at least have their family to fall back on.

When there are fictional role models like Lorelai Gilmore there is no reason for single women to be leaches on men. Men no longer rule the world.

A few notes on Sophie Kinsella

Before I start, let me preface this by saying I love everything I've ever read by Sophie Kinsella, and I own all of the Shopaholic books. Her characters are always relatable, to a point.

Girl in her mid to late twenties has moderately a sucky life, girl makes life changes, usually involving meeting some amazing and usually rich man, girl lives happily ever after. Right now, I would kill for the crap life her characters start out with, let alone the amazing and rich man. But I think that's why her books are so relatable, her leads are in the same place in life many of us are in. (Hello credit card debt?)

I would just like someone to write a book or tv show or movie or magazine article where the lead character doesn't have a glamorous lifestyle, she doesn't do anything crazy, or life changing, or doesn't fall in love, but in the end, her life is still awesome. Her life is still wonderful because of her family, pets and friends. Maybe no one would read or watch that, but it would be strangely reassuring for those of us who want to be happy with their lives as they are.

So, this is my message to Sophie Kinsella: Please keep writing your books exactly as they are. They give hope to the rest of us normal girls out there that a major change is just around the corner, and it could include an handsome new man, too.

$$$$$

When did the rumor start that all single people automatically had a ton of cash? That if you're not a parent or married, you're not struggling to keep money in the bank. When? Who?

Guess what all you married people with kids, single people have money trouble, too! In fact, we only have one income (unless we're working multiple jobs, but more about that later.)

A big issue married people are throwing in single people's faces is eating out. Guess what, most recipes serve like, 6 to 8 people or something like that. And restaurants usually portion things out into like, single or double servings. So we're eating out not because we can't or don't want to cook or save money, but because we want one burger, not four. Is it so much to ask that we can have different food every night, and not eat the same thing, or not pig-out on two dozen cookies when all we really want is one.

And this whole, you need to save money thing. Save what money? After rent, bills, and food, there is no money. Those great careers with amazing salaries, don't exist anymore. They've gone the way of the dinosaur.

Carrie Bradshaw and Helen Girly Brown made it look and sound so easy. But guess what, it isn't. I don't want Eurotrash friends or rich boyfriends financing my life. I want to do it my way, on my own, no strings attached. Money is a tough subject, and in today's world, it's even worse.

Credit Cards

My generation has financed our short pasts and risked our futures with credit cards and student loans. I am definitely not innocent of this, and it sucks.

We were told that we needed a college education, which turned into a bachelor's degree, which turned into a master's degree. We were told that we would only get jobs if we had theses degrees. As we neared collegiate age we were told that college was expensive, and our parents didn't save enough to pay. We weren't all smart enough to pay our way with scholarships, so most of us got student loans, most of which were from the government that educated us up to college.

And at the college, working for minimum wage or slightly above trying to buy pizza and beer and living off the refund of our student loans, and nice looking lady, someone who looks like our favorite aunt, came up to us in the student union and told us we could get a t-shirt or a free pizza if we just signed up for a credit card. You need a credit card to build your credit, so its a good thing. We'll give you a $3,000 limit, but if you only spend what you can, and pay it off, you'll be okay.

Damn that pizza was good, and $10,000 later with a 15% interest rate, that t-shirt is the nicest thing you own.

Credit is this scary thing that's catching up with us now. We're over-educated and underpaid and were planning on making more with our degree than we were when we started, so those "emergency" credit card purchases would be paid off. And now they don't want to hire us.

There are no jobs, or so it seems. We were told to spend, and now we're told not to. There are no fruits to our labor, because we have no labor.

Buying in Chicago

If you've visited Chicago in the past year and made a purchase, you've probably noticed our ridiculous sales tax rate. All purchases are subject to sales tax, which is 2.25% on grocery purchases, 10.25% on general merchandise and even more on liquor and bottled water (5¢/bottle). Which is crazy, because if you want to be healthier drinking water is one of the best things you can do for yourself and sometimes you either run out of the water you brought from home or forgot or didn't expect to be gone as long or what ever, my point is people don't always drink bottled water to be snobby but to hydrate themselves (who would have thought?)

But I digress, this isn't about bottled water, but about the general merchandise tax. The state of Illinois runs about 7% sales tax, and then Cook county adds most of the rest, which is 10% in the immediate suburbs. At a lower rate sales tax doesn't hurt that much and makes you feel like you're helping your state, but at 10% or higher, it really adds to the cost of a product. A $100 pair of jeans turns into a $110 pair of jeans. A recent purchase of $54.50 work pants and a $12.99 top added up to just under $75. It's kind of crazy to think about.

The car-less can make it out to many of these shopping centers in the 'burbs via CTA, but that doesn't save much tax-wise. Neighboring Wisconsin has a low sales tax rates and my native near-by Minnesota doesn't add sales tax to necessities like clothing and food.

But what if a trip just isn't possible? Don't leave home! When you shop online you are only charged state sales tax and many major online retailers offer shipping deals including low flat-rate shipping or free shipping. Go into the store and try on the clothing or check out the products you want, depending on the sales staff, they should be cool with this because in the long run, the money goes back to their company. If they're not just lie and say nothing worked, which really isn't a lie because, in the store, it doesn't work for your wallet. If you're not so good with remembering type a memo into your phone or write down the styles and sizes so you make sure you get the right products.

The next time you try on those awesome jeans, hold off, go home and check out the stores' website. If it doesn't save you money to buy online, they'll be there tomorrow.

Good luck!