An Ode to Liz Lemon

Liz Lemon is my new hero.

I didn't get into 30 Rock until recently. I didn't think I'd like it, actually. But I must say, Liz Lemon is amazing. Tina Fey has created a loveable loser who's not such a loser.

Liz had a dream, and while it changed a bit, she made it happen. I like that she eats junk food and wears glasses and hoodies and is willing to do the unthinkable to get what she wants.

Liz Lemon is really the next Carrie Bradshaw. She's a writer living in New York, looking for love. But I think I like Liz better than Carrie, and I love Carrie (but have not seen SATC2 yet, I don't love her that much.)

I think it's because everything with Carrie was men men Big Big men Big Big Big Aiden Big Burger Big Russian Russian Big Russian Big Big Big, and maybe a meeting with her editor once a season... if that. And while that's one part of everyone's life, it's annoying when it's the only part of your life.

Liz doesn't have a Big, she had a Dennis, but we all have a Dennis... in fact Liz's Dennis was played by the same guy as Carrie's Dennis (John in The Fuck Buddy) crazy, I know.

Anyway, Liz is much more normal than Carrie. While Carrie's obsession with shopping and labels is fun to watch, it's hard in practice and most people maybe have one status bag they got at an outlet or a pair of Jimmy Choos they worked overtime for a month to get or that awesome Gucci dress they found at a second hand store, but not a closet full of those things they bought new, much of which at retail.

Liz's wardrobe, on the other hand, is full of jeans and slacks and hoddies and cardigans that anyone can buy at JCPenny or Khol's or, if they're feeling like spending a bit, a Macy's 13 hour sale. Her glasses probably came from Lens Crafters and her haircut from a moderately priced chain, maybe a Regis or if Jenna talked her into it, an Aveda.

I know it's bad, but I love Liz Lemon's style, or lack thereof. I'm not a fancy girl. I like simple, well crafted things. I believe there's nothing hotter than a girl in a plain t-shirt, well fitting jeans and cute shoes, it doesn't even have to be heels, but they help.

The best part of Liz Lemon, she fully embodies the single-girl spirit. She might want to get married and have babies, but she's not going to do it with just anyone and she won't sacrifice who she is to do it. She's always going to be Liz Lemon, not Mrs. Soandso. She worked hard to become who she is and she's not going to compromise that.

Thank you, Tina Fey, for creating such an amazing character, one that smart, funny, nerd, awkward girls girls can look up to.

Is everyone here married?

So I'm pretty sure everyone in this town is married. Which sucks because married people are scared of single people, so I'm probably not going to have any friends.

I work with a girl who got married before she graduated high school. She's a sweet girl and I already love her to death, but I want to shake her some times and ask her what she was thinking!!!

The topper: one of our coworkers who is married and has a two-year-old was talking about wanting a second child, and the younger girl pipes in and says that God has been giving her signs that she should get pregnant. We both stopped and told her to WAIT! And she seems to have listened. I even gave her my stock pile of Plan B, which I don't need 'cause I'm too fat to have sex right now anyway.

She wasn't on the pill because she tried it once for a month and the one she tried didn't work for her. She then informed me to never go on the pill. I told her I've been on it since I was 18 and it has worked wonders for what I need it for (skin, long periods). Imagine an 18-year-old socially conservative bride giving me birth control advice! Crazy, I know! I'm a huge fan of Planned Parenthood, since they've helped me so much. In fact, if it weren't for free family planning services from blue state governments, I wouldn't have seen a doctor in more than three years.

Anyway, it kind of saddens me to see such young girls latched on to something so totally with out any knowledge of what life is like alone. And a husband is just as fleeting as any other relationships, there's just paperwork involved to get rid of him.

We'll see how my single girl journey shapes up in a town where most of the girls my age are married with a kid or two and most of the men have migrated to work in the oil fields and whom I'm told to stay away from.

And don't forget to check out my new political blog ( I realize that many of my posts here have gotten WAY too political for a cooking-cleaning-single blog) Blue State Girl Living in a Red State (I'll rename it when I think of something snazzier).

Preventative measures

Like most people, I hate cleaning. Unlike most people who hate cleaning, I enjoy having a clean apartment. I am not a fan of sh*t covered toilets or stoves with old crusty pancake batter glued to the surface (surprise!)

When a mess presents itself, it's best to clean them up immediately. Earlier today I had a pot of tomato sauce burp up all over my stove and the surrounding walls and a little bit on me, too. Grabbing a wet dishcloth and wiping it up immediately saved me a lot of scrubbing and possibly repainting later (hey, tomato sauce can stain!). Taking a few seconds to clean up in the moment saves a lot of work later on.

***

George Carlin did a great bit about stuff, and about how we have to much of it.

Getting rid of clutter makes cleaning much easier, I promise. I'm not a Tchotchke type of person I have enough stuff that I actually use to keep on the tops of my bookshelves and dressers that I don't need useless stuff sitting around and looking cute. All this stuff does is create a place for dust to collect, seriously.

I'm a big fan of organized chaos. As in, all the plastic containers go on this shelf, but not in any real order. It's quick, it's easy, and most important, I still know where everything is and where everything goes.

While nothing takes away the need for a good deep cleaning here and there, a few good preventative measures increases the amount of time between such cleanings and makes them less invasive.

Happy scrubbing!

Smart girls don't get love?

So, a friend posted this article from the Huffington Post on facebook earlier this week, which basically says that smart women have so much trouble dating because if a woman is smart, she's obviously dysfunctional relationship-wise. The article goes on to give smart women tips to make their relationships last. There are so many things wrong with this, the first one being the assumption that women are happier in a relationship. The second being the "tips" which are really just another form of relationship games.

Games and misrepresentation are the whole reason relationships are so complicated in the first place. Should I call, should I text? He's just not that into you, guys want girls with long hair... blah blah blah. The biggest hoax is the dating book market. They sell promises of making your love life better, but in reality they make you rethink every single relationship you've ever had and make you scared to even look at another guy again, because he's probably not into you, and if he was you probably just said the wrong thing and watch him go to the "restroom" and you'll never see him again. Games, it's all games.

Here's my advice (but let me warn you, I'm not married, but I am happily single [finally] if that counts for anything): First, look for a genuine connection. You'll know it when you feel it. They can be few and far between, my last real connection was in undergrad. Second, be polite. If a behavior or conversation topic you're thinking of wouldn't be considered polite, don't do it, don't say it. Three: communication is key to a good relationship, so don't be afraid to communicate. If you have a reason, that is. Don't call "just to chat" if you don't have anything to chat about. If you're making the call make it count. If you're texting, make it quick, make it dirty, or better yet, both. And leave it at one message or voicemail. He'll get back to you when he can. Not everyone is glued to their phone every second of every day, and you shouldn't be, either.

Bad relationships happen when people follow these rules that were made up years ago and add some more and take out the ones they don't like, and most importantly play games. That's where things go wrong. They go wrong because you create a fake person, and the longer you're a fake person, the worse things are in the end, and there will be an end.

Do what feels right, and do what's polite, and most importantly, be yourself.

Gilmore Girls

Gilmore Girls is a great show about female independence, and at the same time a great show about family.

If you're not familiar, it's about Lorelai Gilmore and her daughter, Lorelai "Rory" Gilmore. When Lorelai was 16 she got knocked up, much to her blue-blooded parents' dismay. While her family wanted her to marry the baby's father and continue with her life as planned by them, she carried the baby to term, lived with her parents for a while and ran away with Rory to the small town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut, roughly half an hour away from her native Hartford.

The show picks up 16 years later, as Rory is in her sophomore year of high school and applies to a prestigious but pricey prep school. Lorelai, who became a maid at the Independence Inn and worked her way up to manage said inn, can not afford the prep school. She asks her rich parents to finance Rory's education, who agree to the loan with strings attached, including Friday night dinners. This was a huge change as the relationship between Lorelai and her parents was strained, and they really only saw one another on major holidays.

Lorelai, a wildly independent chick her whole life, now owes her parents time and money.

Growing up in this world where women are supposed to be independent until the day they meet a dreamy boy and he moves in, Lorelai Gilmore is a great role model for women everywhere. She meets the dream boy, several times, but she also knows that dream boy doesn't mean a dream life, which is why she didn't marry Rory's father when she was given the opportunity at 16. Building her own life was important, as it should be.

Whether you find the love of your life at 16 or 32 or 48, building an independent life is important as a female or a male. But while building an independent life, Lorelai estranged her family in the process. Most single girls I know at least have their family to fall back on.

When there are fictional role models like Lorelai Gilmore there is no reason for single women to be leaches on men. Men no longer rule the world.

The Golden Girls

I've been watching the Golden Girls a lot lately, and they really embody the single girl spirit. Even though they all were married, they learned to live without men as protectors and bread winners. Three of the "Girls" were widdowed, but Dorothy was divorced.

It's hard to continue your life as normal after a break-up. A major part of your life is suddenly ripped out of your life, and minimal to no contact is preferred. It's hard, and you cry and you either eat way too much or don't eat anything and normal doesn't exist until you rebuild.

Now imagine that you've built your whole life with someone, not just a few months or a few years but your whole life. And you don't just break up with someone, they die. The person you love will never be back. That's what the Golden Girls is about.

They are strong female role models and I think young twenty-somethings can take a page from their book. No matter what happens in life, you must march on, and great friends are a key support.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

One of the hardest parts of being single is the lack of respect. I think, even in this day and age, that there's this stigma that being single means that you're not grown up. That by not "settling down" and getting married or building a long-term relationship you're extending adolescence and undergraduate debauchery.

This goes back to my favorite Sex and the City episode, A Woman's Right to Shoes. Carrie's $500 brand new Manolo Blahnik shoes disappear after being forced to take them off at a baby shower for a friend's third child. When Carrie confronts the friend about the loss of her asset the friend chides her for spending so much on shoes, and refuses to pay to replace them.

I can't tell you exactly when a person goes from being a child to an adult, but I can tell you it's not always when they slip a ring on someone else's finger or push another human being from their uterus.

There's this idea that permanent relationships and children have to be a part of adulthood that is ingrained in us as children. It's not even an on-purpose thing. Our first impressions of adults are our parents, people who conventionally engaged in a marriage or long-term relationships and had children.

In many cultures, there are rituals to welcome children into adulthood (ex: Bar and Bat Mitzvah in Judaism ) But there are none in America. Legally, we're adults when we turn 18, but you still can't drink alcohol until you're 21, and you still need to submit your parent's income to financial aid for school, which is bull shit and subject for another rant. We're not expected to grow up until it's too late.

Financial independence, in my opinion, is true adulthood. If you make enough to support your lifestyle without relying on family money or credit cards, you have achieved adulthood. If your lifestyle includes a spouse and 2.5 children, that's great. If your lifestyle includes two cats, cookies and solitude, that works too, as long as you can afford it.

I'm not quite there yet as a recent grad, but it is what I'm working to, and I'm working hard to achieve it.

Then again, maybe we never grow up, maybe we just get older.

Single Girls and Pets

Pets can enrich a single life so much, especially after a break up. It doesn't matter that they can't talk, and you have to pick up their poop, it's just nice to know that there's someone waiting for you at home.

I love my cats, it's nice to have someone that will curl up on your lap and act like they love you, even if no one else does. Especially when you feel like no one will ever love you again. That cranky ball of fluff will love you.

Renter's Delight

So, I'm watching The Daily Show this evening, and the guest is Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee Barney Frank. The conversation turned to the sub-prime mortgage crisis and the push to turn renters into home owners, because apparently renters are bad people.

I like being a renter. There's no way I could pay less per month with a mortgage and insurance and property taxes and HOA fees for a place comparable to the one I rent. And when you own, all of your places problems are yours. Like when my ceiling in my bedroom collapsed this winter during heavy rains, I would have had to pay to fix it. Your fridge breaks, you buy a new one. Your plumbing gets effed up, you have to pay the plumber.

There's nothing wrong with renting. I don't think it's throwing away money, especially in the current real estate climate. If you buy a house, you're set paying the price you bought it for, simple as that. But rent can go down, you only sign a year, possibly two year lease at a time, and if you're a good tenant you can lock in your monthly rent, or even get it lowered. Granted, refinancing a mortgage is an option, but that's just changing your interest rate, it doesn't get lowered if the "value" of your house plummets. House value is just a perceived number pulled out of someone's ass based on supply and demand. (Granted, rent is the same thing, but, like I said early, there's a little wiggle room for good behavior.)

I am a renter, and I am not a bad person.

16 and Pregnant

MTV reality shows are like crack. I don't want to watch, but once I do, I'm hooked. It's happened with True Life, I Want a Famous Face, The Newlyweds, Engaged and Underage, and now 16 & Pregnant. It's strange watching these girls who are a few years younger than me go through very adult things that I know I'm not ready for.

I was watching an episode today, and got curious to see what others thought of the show. Specifically when the knocker-upper bought a $20 engagement ring from Wal-Mart after returning a $500 PS3. There were a few comments about that, but most of the threads were concerned about the girls parenting ability, tax implications on the married and working, and the girls decision to have sex in the first place.

You'll always get that right-wing nut-job who doesn't say anything except wait until you're married to have sex, which is easier said than done. People give this advice to teens all the time, but what happens when that teen doesn't get married young?

When you tell a 16 year old to wait until marriage, you're asking her to wait years to have sex. In 2007 the average marriage age for women was 25.6. If you were hungry but were told to wait 9 years to eat, could you do that? Not that sexual appetite is the same as the need for nutrition, it is hard to ask someone to wait that long for something that seems so urgent.

I'm not saying be an enabler, but I think we need to cut this "wait until marriage" crap once and for all. Young girls will never grow up to be strong, independent women if they have hang-ups about the moral implications about sex.

Telling girls that they're whores because they have sex before marriage will turn them into whores. Giving them proper birth control information and reasons to wait until they are legal adults (aka at least 18) with honest answers to any questions they may have has been proven again and again to be the best option.

As painful as it can be for people to admit, sex and love do not always go hand-in-hand. This is another one of those horrible facts that make being a productive member of society so much easier after a break-up. I'm not saying Sex and the City's Samantha Jones is the best role model, but she does have some good points. Separating those amazing bodily feelings with those amazing feelings in your heart will help save a lot of pain down the line.

I guess the most important advice to give a young girl about sex and relationships is that you can live with out them. No one ever told me that, not explicitly. Most of the people in my family got married to their high school sweethearts, and the group of couples I hung out with in high school all got married, except me. No one told me that it was okay.

But I learned on my own. I've survived, in fact, I would say I've prospered.

"Mad Men" and the other woman

I've been watching "Mad Men" on On Demand.  It's one of those shows that I never got to see before but always wanted to watch.  I love the idea of the fifties and early sixties: the hair, the clothes, the culture.  Everyone (at least on the show) is so put together, it's dazzling.  I love the idea of drinking at work, with the boss, in broad daylight, before you meet with a client.  Does anyone do that anymore?  (when did alcohol become bad again?) The whole show reminds me of "The Seven Year Itch" with Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell.

The idea that every successful man has two-point-five kids in the suburbs with a beautiful housewife, and a regular mistress in the city, preferably a working girl with income that he doesn't have to support, and the possibility for tail at every corner.  Those were the days (at least for men).

The whole thing gets me thinking, who has the more fulfilling life?  The housewives go to therapy and are worried that their husbands are unfaithful, but the "other women" know the shakedown, they know how it's gonna be.  They support themselves, and have fun.

Of course, there are drawbacks to being the "other woman," but the social structure is much different these days.  Being a single girl, not in a relationship, really makes you the "other woman."  I feel like the "other woman" these days.  Every guy I smile at, he could be married, or engaged, or living with someone, or have a girlfriend that he doesn't live with, or gay but no man is single (and strait).

A single girl, supporting herself, living alone, paying her own rent, paying her own bills is just a rare as it was fifty years ago.  Women are still being supported, but in a very different way.

I'm a single girl, living in the city, where's my hunky executive, looking for an escape from his wife?  (Just kidding, I want someone all to myself ;) )

Hey, that sounds cool, can I try that?

I'm a sucker for a new product, be it hair care, window cleaner or cat treat, I'm all over it. So I was super excited when I saw the ad for Purex 3-in-1 laundry sheets. My first thought was, "Dude, that will totally lighten my load when I'm walking down three flights of stairs on my back porch to the outdoor access only laundry room." (or something like that) How great is that on little sheet can take up the place of two bottles, a box and one of those little softener ball dealy-bobbers. I can just throw the sheet on top of my dirty laundry, load up my baskets and head downstairs. Finally, someone designed a product with me in mind!

Or so I thought. When looking for a review of this product online, I could only find mommy-blogs. You know, the mother-wife-productive member of society who can barely find time to sit down let alone write a blog, but somehow she finds time to do it. While I respect this type of blog, and the type of people who seek them out, I'm not one of them. I don't care if your husband was too much of an idiot to figure out laundry before, but this solves everything! I want to know if it did the job it says its going to do, and if it ruined any clothes, or if they weren't really soft at the end of the cycle.

So I bought the product, and am going to try it out this evening. (I had an unfortunate beer spill on my couch which is actually a futon and therefore is covered in a sheet. The sheet needs to be washed) Look for a review of Purex 3-in-1 laundry sheets in a bit, with a single-girl perspective. 'Cause it's great if it cleans up baby puke, but that's not really my problem.