This town can suck you in. It can break you down and kill your spirit if you let it. They want you to conform, they don't like outsiders here. People who do different things, look different, act different, are different aren't welcome, aren't wanted. People here get married young, have families and work to support that family, not because they want to build a career.
They don't like independent people here. People aren't supposed to be alone here. The sidewalks don't get used here, especially not at night. And no one goes out in the rain.
So the strangest thing I could do would be to go for a midnight run alone in the rain.
I was sick of sitting alone in my apartment. I was sick of sitting. I was sick of being afraid of a little water and darkness. If no one uses the sidewalk they are just as safe in the darkness as they are in the light. And I might look harmless, but I can fend for myself if need be.
The water, the water felt good, cleansing. The movement was cleansing as well. The heavy breathing was putting good in and bad out. I guess I didn't run as much as I walked, because my knee hurt, but it still felt good.
More importantly I got stuff out. I thought and talked to myself about all sorts of stuff. It felt good to get it out, it felt good to put it out in the world. The bad went out and the rain washed it away.
Most importantly, it felt good to be different, to stop trying to conform and just do what felt good, what felt right for me. Because now I feel better, I feel right.