Friday, January 29, 2010

An Open Letter To Heidi Montag:

Dear Heidi:

Your new face is scary, as are your new boobs. You look like Jenny Lee, the plastic surgery addict who's been featured on E! and Oprah and the like. She is not pretty, and now, neither are you.

Do you ever watch episodes of The Hills from seasons 1 & 2 and think, damn, I was cute? Because you were. Cute girly personality, a great best friend, you really were the girl next door. You worked from 9 to 6 and were proud of it!

We watched you as you changed from that cute girl with an adorable haircut with school-girl highlights to the bleached-out bimbo who married Spencer, but up to that point most of what you had done was undoable. The first boob job and the nose job were pluses. Not that there was anything wrong with your born nose, but the new nose flattered your face well and your new boobs looked bigger, but natural-ish.

But your recent procedures have gone too far. You don't look like a human anymore. You look like a humanoid creature from another planet. Why why why why why? Do you realize that a) you're only 23 and 2) what has been done can not be undone? Your face will never be the same. Your boobs sans implants will be nothing but saggy empty sacks of stretch-mark stained skin.

Congrats on being the next media freak; I used to like you.

PS: Heidi's behavior does not embody the single-girl spirit. Drastically changing yourself is not empowering.

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