Children

Here's the deal, I'm sick of your kids.

They might be your pride and joy but that doesn't mean I have to like them. I'm not a bad person for this, either. Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I'm going to do bad things to them. Just keep them at home or bring them to a park where kids belong. I love kids in these settings.

I'm just getting sick of people who bring their kids to the mall for an outing. It's one thing if you need something and you can't leave them at home, that's fine. I don't like it when whole families go to the mall, and while the mall is a "family place" it's not really a family place. The mall is not a park, the mall is not a playground, please stop using it as such.

If dad doesn't have to work why can't he stay home with the kids? At least the kids who don't need to be at the mall (or Wal-mart, or the grocery store or whatever...) and give mom some peace!

I get that kids will have some business at the mall, whether they need new shoes or a nice dress, they will need to try stuff on before mom buys it. But they don't always need to tag along.

The mall is not a playground, it's an indoor selection of stores offering products and services for purchase. It is not a place to let your kids run around. The people working there are not babysitters, they're there to help adults make informed purchases.

The next time you're sitting at home and want to go to the mall put the baby in dad's arms and drive over there yourself, you'll like it and so will the employees.

An Ode to Liz Lemon

Liz Lemon is my new hero.

I didn't get into 30 Rock until recently. I didn't think I'd like it, actually. But I must say, Liz Lemon is amazing. Tina Fey has created a loveable loser who's not such a loser.

Liz had a dream, and while it changed a bit, she made it happen. I like that she eats junk food and wears glasses and hoodies and is willing to do the unthinkable to get what she wants.

Liz Lemon is really the next Carrie Bradshaw. She's a writer living in New York, looking for love. But I think I like Liz better than Carrie, and I love Carrie (but have not seen SATC2 yet, I don't love her that much.)

I think it's because everything with Carrie was men men Big Big men Big Big Big Aiden Big Burger Big Russian Russian Big Russian Big Big Big, and maybe a meeting with her editor once a season... if that. And while that's one part of everyone's life, it's annoying when it's the only part of your life.

Liz doesn't have a Big, she had a Dennis, but we all have a Dennis... in fact Liz's Dennis was played by the same guy as Carrie's Dennis (John in The Fuck Buddy) crazy, I know.

Anyway, Liz is much more normal than Carrie. While Carrie's obsession with shopping and labels is fun to watch, it's hard in practice and most people maybe have one status bag they got at an outlet or a pair of Jimmy Choos they worked overtime for a month to get or that awesome Gucci dress they found at a second hand store, but not a closet full of those things they bought new, much of which at retail.

Liz's wardrobe, on the other hand, is full of jeans and slacks and hoddies and cardigans that anyone can buy at JCPenny or Khol's or, if they're feeling like spending a bit, a Macy's 13 hour sale. Her glasses probably came from Lens Crafters and her haircut from a moderately priced chain, maybe a Regis or if Jenna talked her into it, an Aveda.

I know it's bad, but I love Liz Lemon's style, or lack thereof. I'm not a fancy girl. I like simple, well crafted things. I believe there's nothing hotter than a girl in a plain t-shirt, well fitting jeans and cute shoes, it doesn't even have to be heels, but they help.

The best part of Liz Lemon, she fully embodies the single-girl spirit. She might want to get married and have babies, but she's not going to do it with just anyone and she won't sacrifice who she is to do it. She's always going to be Liz Lemon, not Mrs. Soandso. She worked hard to become who she is and she's not going to compromise that.

Thank you, Tina Fey, for creating such an amazing character, one that smart, funny, nerd, awkward girls girls can look up to.

Is everyone here married?

So I'm pretty sure everyone in this town is married. Which sucks because married people are scared of single people, so I'm probably not going to have any friends.

I work with a girl who got married before she graduated high school. She's a sweet girl and I already love her to death, but I want to shake her some times and ask her what she was thinking!!!

The topper: one of our coworkers who is married and has a two-year-old was talking about wanting a second child, and the younger girl pipes in and says that God has been giving her signs that she should get pregnant. We both stopped and told her to WAIT! And she seems to have listened. I even gave her my stock pile of Plan B, which I don't need 'cause I'm too fat to have sex right now anyway.

She wasn't on the pill because she tried it once for a month and the one she tried didn't work for her. She then informed me to never go on the pill. I told her I've been on it since I was 18 and it has worked wonders for what I need it for (skin, long periods). Imagine an 18-year-old socially conservative bride giving me birth control advice! Crazy, I know! I'm a huge fan of Planned Parenthood, since they've helped me so much. In fact, if it weren't for free family planning services from blue state governments, I wouldn't have seen a doctor in more than three years.

Anyway, it kind of saddens me to see such young girls latched on to something so totally with out any knowledge of what life is like alone. And a husband is just as fleeting as any other relationships, there's just paperwork involved to get rid of him.

We'll see how my single girl journey shapes up in a town where most of the girls my age are married with a kid or two and most of the men have migrated to work in the oil fields and whom I'm told to stay away from.

And don't forget to check out my new political blog ( I realize that many of my posts here have gotten WAY too political for a cooking-cleaning-single blog) Blue State Girl Living in a Red State (I'll rename it when I think of something snazzier).

Moving... Again

This spring I moved from Chicago, the country's third-largest city because I could not find a job. I returned to the town where I attended undergrad, going back to the beginning in a way, to try and live a little cheaper and get back on my feet. After being there for about a month the ball starts rolling on a job at a newspaper, which I eventually got, which means another move to a small town about the size of where I am now.

But here's the deal, it's hard being single in a city. It's even harder being single in a small town. Hardest yet is being single in an ultra-conservative Red-State small town. In towns like this I'm an Old-Maid because I'm not married, and I'm a selfish feminist because I don't think I want kids. (Although naming a brood after Star Wars characters is almost as good a reason as any to have kids, but I'd prefer to convince someone else of this and be that cool "aunt" type figure.)

I'm scared I'll be demonized because I support fairly liberal viewpoints. I'm scared that all the men my age will be married with kids, or else they'll be skeey perverts who don't know how to treat women. I'm scared my pharmacy won't honor my Birth Control prescription, even though I'm on it for my skin and long periods more so than controlling birth. I'm scared that no one will believe in love, only guns and hate and procreation for religious purposes, not for love and nurturing.

Red States scare me, it's true. And here's the deal, I totally believe in gun rights, I love wild game and I think it's probably the most humane way to kill animals. The live the life they were meant to live, and when they're old enough we shoot them and enjoy. What's not to love? But it's the crazy irrationality of it that scares me. It's the people who attack Planned Parenthoods because they sometimes perform abortions. It's people who get angry at other people for not sharing their ideas. It's people who condemn other people to hell, when God is the only one who can do that.

This is what I'm scared of, but I'm also excited. I'm ready to jump head first into my new job and my new town, which is gorgeous and full of Cowboys ;)

The Icy-Sticky Politics

I'm moving... again. What does this have to do with politics? I'm moving to North Dakota. After 25 years of living in Blue States, I'm moving to a Red State. Socially conservative North Dakota. And boy, an I scared.

I can understand socially conservative viewpoints, although I may not agree with them. It's the socially conservative blindly following any Republican ideas. Tying social, fiscal and political conservatism is disastrous if not dangerous.

Politicians have no right to tie personal values to political motives. And using religion, "Christian" religion to sell ideas of loose government, low regulations and corrupt financial markets and calling it freedom. The last I checked the Bible says nothing about selling bad financial "products" and causing a near collapse of the free world. And the Bible also says nothing about mega-"churches," but that's a different yet related rant.

If these things are what you really believe in, that's fine, I just don't like the way politicians use each other's personal lives and personal beliefs to attack each other, when those personal problems have nothing to do with they way they will govern or represent.

And the abortion issue. What ever your personal beliefs about the medical procedure you must understand the Roe v. Wade was a Supreme Court decision and your choices at the polls are indirect at best. More over local elections have even less to do with that decision. That being said, please STOP VOTING based on the candidate's pro-choice or pro-life views. They don't really effect that decision anyway.

And no matter what your feelings, making abortion an illegal medical procedure won't make them stop, it just makes them more dangerous. Think about it, what do you consider abortion? Just the medical procedure? What about a girl douching with bleach or drano to terminate their pregnancy? Or asking her boyfriend to punch her in the uterus or throw her down the stairs to end it? It's still abortion, isn't it?

What ever your social, fiscal or political views, consider them fully before you vote down party lines. George Washington warned us about political parties, it makes me wonder why America didn't listen to him, he was a pretty smart guy...

Lazy, ugly women.

So, there's an old quote that goes "There's no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one." And it's so true!

First of all, it takes true laziness to get really fat. Anyone can have a few extra pounds, but obesity doesn't just happen. Fat is ugly, it's true. And again, a few extra pounds is not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about trying as hard as you can to move as little as possible.

Next step, hygiene. It's not hard to shower every day, it really isn't. Or every-other day, if you can get away with it. Having a clean body and clean hair contribute so much to beauty.

And this gets to hygiene.b: Hair maintenance and removal. A nice simple, well managed haircut is easily obtained by anyone. It doesn't take $300 to have a great haircut. $10 to $15 should do it at a national chain. Even there you can find a stylist you like and trust, tip them well to treat them well and you get the salon look at the discount price. And good shampoo and conditioner and styling products can be found at Target and Walmart for economy prices. Spend a little extra time making sure the products you're selecting are right for you. Learn to work with your natural hair texture to make styling easier on you and make your natural beauty shine through.

Hair removal. The most important thing you can do for your over-all beauty is finding the right eyebrow shape. Seriously. Your brows shape and frame your face. Bushy, overgrown eyebrows says "I don't care" and over-plucked pencil-thin brows say "I'm a porn-star in training." It's easy to find eyebrow tutorials online, but if you're completely lost, you might want to consider professional help. A good eyebrow wax can help create a shape that flatters your face. Many chain salons do these types of services as well. Make your dollar stretch further by maintaining the shape for as long as you can with your tweezers at home. All other hair removal (legs, facial, bikini) are secondary to your brows, but over-hairy (in America, anyway) = unhygienic and ugly.

On to make-up. You don't need a lot. I learned this tip from a magazine years ago, and it stuck with me ever since. Put your mascara on first. The second your eyelashes are darker and more defined, everything else falls into place and you'll use less of the rest of your make-up. Spots are less pronounce, dark under-eye circles are instantly lighter, your cheeks are rosier. Most days the only make-up I wear is black mascara. My skin thanks me for that.

Okay, your body. I know this is a touchy subject these days, but eating healthy isn't really that hard. What it comes down to is eating REAL food. Cook, even if it's just microwaving frozen veggies. Just read the ingredients on the bag or can, as long as you recognize what everything is, you're good to go. The other thing that hurts us is our sedentary lifestyles. Working in offices and sitting on our asses all day really hasn't done us any good. And the dependence on cars in this country, it's a shame. It doesn't hurt to walk or ride bike to work. It's good for you and the environment.

I would never say everyone has to be a size two. My ideal body on my 5'9" frame is 150-155 pounds, solid size 8, nice toned abs, legs and arms, and that little bit of fat that sticks out when I wear a tank top is gone. And I know I can do it.

Don't let your laziness turn you into an ugly woman. More than anything, every woman deserves to be beautiful. Beauty isn't easy, but it's not lazy, either.

Okay, this might sound silly, but...

The Twi-hard in me stayed up until, well, now waiting for and then watching the Midnight showing of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. The movie did not disappoint. In fact, none of the Twilight movies have disappointed me thus far. They stay true enough to the books, making fairly wise cuts to move the story along without sacrificing major plot lines. I wish I could say the same for the Harry Potter movies, which have been disappointing me since The Prisoner of Azkaban.

But here's the best (and most girly) part of the movie for me. I didn't feel bad about love while watching it. I know, it sounds strange and kind of self-absorbed, but when I see happy couples, especially movie happy couples I usually hate them and want to rip their eyes out. Especially couples like Bella and Edward. But I felt good about it, like, it's just around the corner or something, like, I was all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe it was just R.Patz lusciousness, but I really felt like it was just around the corner for me... maybe.

And then, to top it all off, I get in the car and guess what song is playing. Michael Bublé's Haven't Met You Yet. My favorite since I first heard it. (I liked it so much I made it my ringtone.) I know I'm sounding like a 14-year-old girl, but I think that was a message. I think it was a message that I'm not supposed to settle for someone I've already met, that the people I've met aren't it. That I'm not supposed to give up just because I have a chance with someone I kinda know, but know that I can't love. It's this fourteen-year-old girls' idea that keeps me going. What's wrong with having hope?



Why do I have to be so cynical and logical all the time? What wrong with thinking that Prince Charming is out there, you just haven't met him yet? Is this what being a modern post-Sex and the City, post-He's Just Not That Into You woman is all about? Why can't I still believe in Prince Charming? Why can't I believe in multiple Prince Charmings for that matter? Who's to say that you can't have more than one? Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean that it can't have been meaningful. It doesn't mean you have to throw away all the memories of the warm and fuzzy and turn into an über-bitch.

I think that's where I and many single post-collegiate women go wrong. We think we have to be these strong professional women all the time, that we can't let the 14-year-old girl with a crush in us out every once in a while.

Dude, stop playing, be the 14-year-old girl. Be cute and funny and sweet and flirtatious, it doesn't mean you're not strong and professional.

I have the feeling that if we don't let that boy-crazy teenage girl side of us show every now and the, we'll end up like Lori Gottlieb and our song won't be "Haven't Met You Yet" it'll be "I Never Got a Chance To Meet You Because You Were Being an Over-Tough Über-Bitch," which just isn't as catchy.