What is sexy?

My recent move took me to a mall where the clientele is very different than that in Chicago. The customers in my Chicago store were mostly women in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties, professional, the type of women who wore button-ups and slacks most days. But here in Bemidji most of the female customers are either high-school or college students or moms. The moms are usually in a typical mom "uniform" of a t-shirt that can get dirty and a pair of jeans or shorts, something quick and easy. The younger girls often dress in what could only be described as "outfits."

And these aren't What Not To Wear Clinton Kelly and Stacy London outfits, these are outfits bordering on costumes. There was a girl would was probably very pretty in the other day, but she was wearing this "outfit" that made it look like she was trying too hard. She had on a summery white top, a pair of short-shorts, knee-high moccasin-style chocolate brown boots, a purse that matched the boots, full make-up (on a hot day) and her highlighted chest length hair was teased and sprayed and styled. On a Saturday afternoon. Shopping. In Bemidji, MN. It really did seem like she was trying too hard. (And who really knows, she was probably going somewhere else after that warranted the outfit, but still, in that setting it seemed like too much)

This prompted me to ask a male contemporary which he thought was sexier, an "outfit" like the mall girl was wearing or a hot girl with minimal make-up in a t-shirt and jeans. He opted for the t-shirt and jeans, which is what I was expecting. I mean, the "outfit" just screams high maintenance. What guy has ever said he wants a girlfriend who's high maintenance?

Here's the deal ladies, work on what's underneath the clothes first and foremost. Anything looks good on a hot and toned bod. Secondly, go ahead and put together a cute "outfit." Now take one flashy piece out and replace it with something simpler. (I'd removed Mall Girl's boots and replace them with simple strappy flat sandals, and tone down the make-up a bit) It's the over-the-top-ness of the "outfit" that makes it so much closer to a costume, which should be saved for Halloween and other such occasions.

Elliptical Girls

What are elliptical girls, you might ask yourself?

They are the girls who go to the gym solely to use the elliptical machines at ridiculously high speeds that no mere human can maintain.

Think about it, you know you've seen them at the gym. They're usually they type of woman that looks like a model and she's got a huge diamond engagement ring (they all have amazing fiancés) and is dressed in gym clothes that are usually far more expensive than your regular wardrobe.

Sometimes these females are alone, but often they come in groups of twos and threes. They often come prepared with the latest iPod, one no mere human has access to yet, and tabloid magazines. After beginning the gossip session in the locker room they stroll out looking better than you ever could on your best days and saunter with purpose to the row of ellipticals, and that's where the magic begins.

They get themselves set, magazines in place, iPods ready, settings on the machine optimal for whatever it is these goddess-like women think they need and they're off. Legs move so fast you can't figure out how they do it. With speeds that high you expect them to peter out soon, but they just get faster and faster. Your work out ends and you're sweaty and gross and feeling pretty proud that you did two miles in less than 30 minutes and they're still going, full speed and there's not sign of sweat.

These are the elliptical girls. There's nothing wrong with them, I'm sure they're lovely people, but they fascinate me. How do they do it? Will they ever share their secret?