Christmas

Christmas can really suck as a single adult.

First you have families wondering why you're not married (no one wants me... isn't that good enough?)

Then it's like, you're not allowed to like Christmas, because Christmas is for kids, and you're not a kid and you're not a parent so Christmas isn't for you. It's in all the commercials and cookbooks... There is no "Christmas for one."

I love baking, but too many sugary treats is not good for the waistline (and therefore not good for the aforementioned husband hunting.) And not having a brood around makes temptation all that much greater.

You have to buy gifts for other people, other people's kids, but no one is obligated to get you anything. Which sounds a bit Scroogy, but when you only have one income, it can kind of suck.

Why can't I be excited for Santa? Why can't I love decorating a tree? Why can't I like candy canes and cranberries?

It seems like single, childless adults are supposed to hate Christmas and spend it in a cocktail infused haze of random hookups and family fights, but I'd rather sing carols and drink candy cane cocoa, if that's okay.

Parenting...

Author's note: this is an anti-"mommy blog" not an "anti-mommy" blog. I don't see anything wrong with loving parents. But if a laundry product gets spit-up out of clothes that info doesn't help me much, thank you.

As I've said many times before, I'm not a parent. And when I say I really don't think I want to ever be a parent, people here say that I'll change my mind and that I'm just saying that or they act like I'm a horrible monster for not wanting to stretch out my uterus, skin and vagina to bring a life into this world.

Don't get me wrong, I do like kids. I think they can be adorable and it can be fun to spend time with them. But I get sick of it really easily. I don't like having to hide things from people, and parents have to lie all the time, or explain things in a dumbed down way and make things easier for a young mind to understand, and I'm not good at that. I like being blunt, putting things in a strait forward matter that maybe isn't child appropriate. I can't keep up the ruse that long, it's exhausting. And that's with well-behaved children.

Which brings me to my next point.

There was a woman in the store this afternoon who brought her two children, a boy about four and a girl about two. Cute but a little dirty (like sandbox dirty, needed a bath dirty, but not call child protective services dirty) and full of energy. She first was going to bring them in and leave her cart in the mall, but I told her she could bring it in. I showed the kids our sanitizers (which smell like hot cocoa and cupcakes... totally kid friendly).

This woman took her time looking for stuff (first mistake in my opinion) and the kids got more and more antsy. The weren't being bad, just acting like any two- and four-year-old would when their mom is taking too long in a store that doesn't really interest them and it's early afternoon on a beautiful day when you know that winter is imminent. But she kept yelling at them as if they were committing murder. Believe me, I was more appalled by her behavior than the children's.

Anyway, the woman finally decided what she wanted and made her purchase and left. After she had for-sure cleared the store I turned and said to my co-worker (who is the parent of a cute 2-year-old girl) and said "I'm sorry, I know I'm not a parent, but that woman clearly should not have children." to which she agreed. I also went on to say that we don't know all the circumstances as we are not day-to-day observers in this woman's life and we could have just caught her on a bad day... this conclusion was brought with very limited evidence.

This idea that you have to reproduce because of religious or social obligation is ridiculous. The idea that you HAVE to have kids, that a religion would tell couples they're going to hell for not having kids is a hateful, horrible thing. Some people just should not be parents, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with being childless.

Children stress some people out. I happen to be one of them. I also realize this, which is a good thing.

So please, the next time you hear someone say they don't want kids, don't belittle them in any way. Don't try and assure them that they will change their mind. I don't question why you have children, so don't question why I don't.

I think a person who realizes they won't be successful parents before a child enters their life in a parental way is just as beautiful a thing as a person who gets the greatest satisfaction from being a parent.

Besides, I'm more the cool-aunt-type, anyway.

Finally

Check this out!

I'm kind of in the majority!

For the first time ever single people are the majority!

But not all single people are single. In fact, a lot of them are in committed relationships, they just haven't "put a ring on it."

But still, this is pretty amazing news. People are waiting to get married because then they're more adult and know that it's not all about having a bit fancy wedding, but about building a life with someone, and that means financially as well.

Even though it's important to share and take care of others, it's also important to take care of yourself. You should always bring your best "you" into a relationships, and you'll get the best "them" right back.

How to deal with a pimple

Okay, so there are a million and one websites that tell you how to get rid of pimples and only a few have got it right. I've been dealing with acne for 14 years and I've learned a thing or two along the way, so here's my best zit advice:

The first debate: to pop or not to pop. Generally try not to just pop for the sake of popping. Try a good spot treatment. I know a lot say benzoyl peroxide, but I don't like it because it bleaches my sheets. I go for a salicylic acid treatment in an alcohol-based gel form, more about that in a bit. The moment you see a pimple, put some treatment on it. Some zits can be cured this way. But when they don't, it's time to pop.

Now, you can't pop just any old zit, you need try your best to stop it, but if it grows anyway, don't pop it unless it comes to a head. You know what I'm talking about, when you're zit is about to burst anyway and all the white stuff has come to the top. It's a big red volcano with a white puss-filled top. It's gross and you don't want to be walking around like that all day.

Before you wash your face, either in the morning or at night, wash your hands thoroughly with anti-bacterial soap. We want to keep everything as clean as possible. If you're doing this at night you might want to swipe your face over with toner to remove any make-up around the zit, and to just give your face a once over. I know most places will tell you to wash your face first, but I like to pop first so I wash the zit out, too.

As soon as everything is clean go to town. Stretch your skin a bit before you squeeze in. This will ensure you get under the junk and you don't just push it back into your skin, making the problem worse. Stop the second blood or a clear slightly yellow-orange fluid comes out. No more puss will come out once this starts happening. Now wash your face with a good cleanser. I really like Clinique 3-step, but use your favorite, as long as you get that squeeky clean feeling.

Now put on your spot treatment. This is why I like the alcohol-based gel type, it kills the germs as it treats it. Don't mess around with bacteria and zits, you could end up with an infection like perioral dermatitis, which is not fun. (It's red flakey patches around your mouth, not even your mother will want to kiss you!) Let the spot treatment do it's thing for a bit.

Put some neosporin-type treatment on top of the pimple gel. This will not only help kill bacteria, but it will also speed the healing process and protect the area. I know petroleum jelly (the base for anti-biotic ointment) seems like it would cause zits, but it doesn't really soak into the skin, and it's kind of the opposite of the oil on your face.

Repeat the steps with the gel and the ointment until your scab has healed. I know it sucks to have a scab on your face but DON'T pick it. It will just take that much longer to heal. If it happens to come off when you're washing your face, fill the hole (there will be a hole) with anti-biotic ointment and let it sit for as long as possible.

If you're doing this in the morning, I suggest trying to put some time between treatment and moisturizer. Maybe have breakfast or feed your cats in the mean time. The more time the stuff sits on your skin uninterrupted, the better it will work.

But what if you don't want to wait for your zit to come to a head? What if you KNOW that it will, but you just can't wait. What if it kind of hurts and you can't stand it anymore. Time for a needle.

Again, make sure everything is clean. Rubbing alcohol is your best friend. Repeat all steps up to the point of popping. When you're ready to pop, stretch your skin so you see the highest point of the zit. That's where you want to put the needle. Pop a hole in the middle at the point with a sterilized needle and withdraw. Squeeze any white gunk out, but again stop when you see blood or ooze. Repeat the washing and healing steps as above. These might take a little longer to heal, as you popped them before they were ready.

If your acne fails to get better over time, please see a doctor. They can give you medicine that you can't find over the counter.

A few dieting tips

• It's perfectly acceptable to order only coffee at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts. If you already had breakfast you don't need a second.
• Just because you're getting fast food doesn't mean you have to order the unhealthiest thing on the menu. Grilled chicken sandwiches and skipping/splitting the fries goes a long way. If you must get a burger get the works minus mayo and stick to a single patty. If you can get it on a whole wheat bun, do it.
• If you love chocolate (and who doesn't?) buy some of the really good stuff, I prefer Ghiradelli squares or Wonka chocolate, but any small, pre-wrapped chocolate will do. Spend a little more and buy a bag of the stuff. Keep it in the freezer. Pull out two peices when you have a chocolate craving or throw them in with your lunch. It will take about 15 min or so for them to thaw. This works for two reasons: the premeasured portions make it easy to control (and wouldn't you rather have two peices than one bar?) and the higher quality chocolate satisfies your craving better than cheaper chocolate. In the long run this will also save money because you're not spending $1 every day getting a chocolate bar at the vending machine. A bag of Wonka peices is generally $1 more than a bar of eight to ten peices, and contains 20 to 30 peices.

Enjoy!

Children

Here's the deal, I'm sick of your kids.

They might be your pride and joy but that doesn't mean I have to like them. I'm not a bad person for this, either. Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I'm going to do bad things to them. Just keep them at home or bring them to a park where kids belong. I love kids in these settings.

I'm just getting sick of people who bring their kids to the mall for an outing. It's one thing if you need something and you can't leave them at home, that's fine. I don't like it when whole families go to the mall, and while the mall is a "family place" it's not really a family place. The mall is not a park, the mall is not a playground, please stop using it as such.

If dad doesn't have to work why can't he stay home with the kids? At least the kids who don't need to be at the mall (or Wal-mart, or the grocery store or whatever...) and give mom some peace!

I get that kids will have some business at the mall, whether they need new shoes or a nice dress, they will need to try stuff on before mom buys it. But they don't always need to tag along.

The mall is not a playground, it's an indoor selection of stores offering products and services for purchase. It is not a place to let your kids run around. The people working there are not babysitters, they're there to help adults make informed purchases.

The next time you're sitting at home and want to go to the mall put the baby in dad's arms and drive over there yourself, you'll like it and so will the employees.

An Ode to Liz Lemon

Liz Lemon is my new hero.

I didn't get into 30 Rock until recently. I didn't think I'd like it, actually. But I must say, Liz Lemon is amazing. Tina Fey has created a loveable loser who's not such a loser.

Liz had a dream, and while it changed a bit, she made it happen. I like that she eats junk food and wears glasses and hoodies and is willing to do the unthinkable to get what she wants.

Liz Lemon is really the next Carrie Bradshaw. She's a writer living in New York, looking for love. But I think I like Liz better than Carrie, and I love Carrie (but have not seen SATC2 yet, I don't love her that much.)

I think it's because everything with Carrie was men men Big Big men Big Big Big Aiden Big Burger Big Russian Russian Big Russian Big Big Big, and maybe a meeting with her editor once a season... if that. And while that's one part of everyone's life, it's annoying when it's the only part of your life.

Liz doesn't have a Big, she had a Dennis, but we all have a Dennis... in fact Liz's Dennis was played by the same guy as Carrie's Dennis (John in The Fuck Buddy) crazy, I know.

Anyway, Liz is much more normal than Carrie. While Carrie's obsession with shopping and labels is fun to watch, it's hard in practice and most people maybe have one status bag they got at an outlet or a pair of Jimmy Choos they worked overtime for a month to get or that awesome Gucci dress they found at a second hand store, but not a closet full of those things they bought new, much of which at retail.

Liz's wardrobe, on the other hand, is full of jeans and slacks and hoddies and cardigans that anyone can buy at JCPenny or Khol's or, if they're feeling like spending a bit, a Macy's 13 hour sale. Her glasses probably came from Lens Crafters and her haircut from a moderately priced chain, maybe a Regis or if Jenna talked her into it, an Aveda.

I know it's bad, but I love Liz Lemon's style, or lack thereof. I'm not a fancy girl. I like simple, well crafted things. I believe there's nothing hotter than a girl in a plain t-shirt, well fitting jeans and cute shoes, it doesn't even have to be heels, but they help.

The best part of Liz Lemon, she fully embodies the single-girl spirit. She might want to get married and have babies, but she's not going to do it with just anyone and she won't sacrifice who she is to do it. She's always going to be Liz Lemon, not Mrs. Soandso. She worked hard to become who she is and she's not going to compromise that.

Thank you, Tina Fey, for creating such an amazing character, one that smart, funny, nerd, awkward girls girls can look up to.