Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Gym

So, going to the gym is supposed to be an uplifting experience that will make you feel better about yourself. But when I go to the gym after work, it almost makes me feel worse about myself. First of all, the gym by work is filled with all these rich, skinny Lincoln Park type girls who are all maintenance and no substance. Highlight, manicures, pedicures and they spend what seems like HOURS on the elliptical at full speed, at a pace I get winded just looking at.

And I look at myself in the mirror and I see my cellulite and my lumps and bumps and gut and I look around at the other girls and they have nothing, or so it seems. And I get on a machine and I tell myself I'm doing this to better myself, to look like one of these girls, at least health-wise, not the whole hight maintenance thing... but I can't help but worry about what they think of me.

I feel like I don't belong, but do they think that? Are the girls who spend YEARS running on treadmills looking at my ass and thinking, "What is that lumpy thing doing here, she doesn't belong?" Every time I look over and see the size two girls with the perfect ass going full speed on the elliptical I get a little sick, and I reassure myself that I'm at the gym to better myself, not to dwell on flaws.

But still, it almost makes me feel bad enough to eat my weight in chocolate when I get home after my 100-calorie-burning bike ride. Which kind of defeats the purpose of the gym, doesn't it?

Friday, December 11, 2009

Smart girls don't get love?

So, a friend posted this article from the Huffington Post on facebook earlier this week, which basically says that smart women have so much trouble dating because if a woman is smart, she's obviously dysfunctional relationship-wise. The article goes on to give smart women tips to make their relationships last. There are so many things wrong with this, the first one being the assumption that women are happier in a relationship. The second being the "tips" which are really just another form of relationship games.

Games and misrepresentation are the whole reason relationships are so complicated in the first place. Should I call, should I text? He's just not that into you, guys want girls with long hair... blah blah blah. The biggest hoax is the dating book market. They sell promises of making your love life better, but in reality they make you rethink every single relationship you've ever had and make you scared to even look at another guy again, because he's probably not into you, and if he was you probably just said the wrong thing and watch him go to the "restroom" and you'll never see him again. Games, it's all games.

Here's my advice (but let me warn you, I'm not married, but I am happily single [finally] if that counts for anything): First, look for a genuine connection. You'll know it when you feel it. They can be few and far between, my last real connection was in undergrad. Second, be polite. If a behavior or conversation topic you're thinking of wouldn't be considered polite, don't do it, don't say it. Three: communication is key to a good relationship, so don't be afraid to communicate. If you have a reason, that is. Don't call "just to chat" if you don't have anything to chat about. If you're making the call make it count. If you're texting, make it quick, make it dirty, or better yet, both. And leave it at one message or voicemail. He'll get back to you when he can. Not everyone is glued to their phone every second of every day, and you shouldn't be, either.

Bad relationships happen when people follow these rules that were made up years ago and add some more and take out the ones they don't like, and most importantly play games. That's where things go wrong. They go wrong because you create a fake person, and the longer you're a fake person, the worse things are in the end, and there will be an end.

Do what feels right, and do what's polite, and most importantly, be yourself.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Gilmore Girls

Gilmore Girls is a great show about female independence, and at the same time a great show about family.

If you're not familiar, it's about Lorelai Gilmore and her daughter, Lorelai "Rory" Gilmore. When Lorelai was 16 she got knocked up, much to her blue-blooded parents' dismay. While her family wanted her to marry the baby's father and continue with her life as planned by them, she carried the baby to term, lived with her parents for a while and ran away with Rory to the small town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut, roughly half an hour away from her native Hartford.

The show picks up 16 years later, as Rory is in her sophomore year of high school and applies to a prestigious but pricey prep school. Lorelai, who became a maid at the Independence Inn and worked her way up to manage said inn, can not afford the prep school. She asks her rich parents to finance Rory's education, who agree to the loan with strings attached, including Friday night dinners. This was a huge change as the relationship between Lorelai and her parents was strained, and they really only saw one another on major holidays.

Lorelai, a wildly independent chick her whole life, now owes her parents time and money.

Growing up in this world where women are supposed to be independent until the day they meet a dreamy boy and he moves in, Lorelai Gilmore is a great role model for women everywhere. She meets the dream boy, several times, but she also knows that dream boy doesn't mean a dream life, which is why she didn't marry Rory's father when she was given the opportunity at 16. Building her own life was important, as it should be.

Whether you find the love of your life at 16 or 32 or 48, building an independent life is important as a female or a male. But while building an independent life, Lorelai estranged her family in the process. Most single girls I know at least have their family to fall back on.

When there are fictional role models like Lorelai Gilmore there is no reason for single women to be leaches on men. Men no longer rule the world.